i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
