you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
