Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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