No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
