she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
