no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
