My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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