I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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