Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
