And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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