I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
