When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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