i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
