Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Mom said you looked used
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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