You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
