overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
