I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
