never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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