Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
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i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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