why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
