I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
