Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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