R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
FUCK WHALES
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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