have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Every concussion has its silver lining
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
