So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
