bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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