So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
