he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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