So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I want her autograph on my taint
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
