Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
