Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
