At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
