i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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