i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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