Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
