I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
