Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
