I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
