Me too!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I AM VODKA MAN
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
