Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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