I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize