ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
my god I love twenty year old dicks
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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