my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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