if i can run in heels then i can drive
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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