I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
