Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
