Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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