Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
