dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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