I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
