I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
