32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
