Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
