Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
