I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm jealous of your bromance
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
