no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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