I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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