i think my mom watched the whole time
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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