the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
