happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize