Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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