do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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