So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
