You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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