I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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