porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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