final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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