Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
