jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
