I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
